(Somehow excruciating pain causes me to want to write, where the ideas explode in my head I must write it down as the medicine dulls it… Man I hope this is not pattern!)
For me, Heathenism is not a religion, but a spiritual foundation for my life. I believe, I draw strength and power from the blood that courses through my veins that has been passed down to me by previous generations. Generations who had seen the Great Depression, World Wars, famine and all manners of hardship, like tempered steel has become stronger in time and passed down generation to generation. I am the genetic manifestation of my family linage.
The Gods of Northern Europe, aka Norse are Concepts that various Northern tribes gravitated towards and associated with natural phenomenons they could not explain. The god Odhinn, holds a special distinction as does Freya. Odhinn is the god of consciousness, and exist within the psyche of all those who extend from Norse roots. Freya is the goddess of sexuality and drive, and exists within the psyche as the drive to ‘gain more, whether it be sexual, material or any form of power.
I believe, based on historical evidence the Norse people were both vicious and curious, and explored different cultures. It is not strange to believe that when Norse people explored, or went ‘Viking’ they explored other cultures foreign to their own would use tools, art and ideas from other cultures to enhance their personal lives. So the idea of the National Socialist aspect of Heathenism baffles me as the Norse have shown to be, historically Miscegenation (i.e. fuck anybody, any culture, any color, any where)
I have found no single group that embraces these ideas, I have spent many years of my life going within many circles to find others of like mind. I have found very similar beliefs as these within the Odian path of Heathenism, and though not officially affiliated with any group, associate myself with their line of thinking to best explain my ideas in a single term.
jean carlson neff
each time i say that name it makes my eyes sweat
I have a beautiful baby girl I blessed with your name
but i cannot help but think it is not the same
all the anger and pain when i think how life took you when i was fifteen
just when i needed your love and guidence to get through the rough stream
of this life i have lived
maybe I would have been a man quicker, instead of some lost kid
if i could have had you in my life to show and advise me in the drama I had yet to go through
all i have is my memories of the days i spent with you
and each day now I think “What would Grandma do?”
you showed me how to be strong when all others were scared
you showed me how to be wise when all others did not care
you reminded me of what I need to be thankful
despite how many times in my life it was painful
you never raised a hand or unleashed your powerful voice
but you humbled my arrogance and soothed my rage to the point where I wish those were a choice
i cant help but think i would be twice the man i am now if you to guide me to mandhood
perhaps at times I may have less ‘could have’ and ’should’s
but despite the choppy waters of my young adult life i thank you for why I have been able to handle
the shripwrecks of false friends, ill advice and my own designs and scandle
I would not be here today,
if our world was never blessed by your name
Know anyone who always asks you really obnoxious questions? Or asks forum goers questions that he could easily search google for? I admit I use to ask a lot of questions in certain communities, only after though.
Well now you can get passive aggressive kicks out of people with “Let Me Google That For You”
So someone wants to know about say, cultivating their own psychedelic shrooms, its quite an easy thing you just google but instead they cry for attention in ask you, type in “How to grow psychedelic schrooms” in the search line, copy the link and send it to them; like so.
Now you get the satisfaction of being a ‘net troll.
Its a new year, and a new decade. So my news years Resolutions should be expanded to the next 10 years. They are threefold; Workout again, Write More, and Save Money.
I could get esoteric and talk of my temple, my legacy and my means, but I will spare you of those.
Ten years ago I began something I never finished, I started the Grand Initiation as described in Don Webb’s “Uncle Setnakt’s Essential Guide to the Left Hand Path“. I also underwent my, “Second Contemplation” of joining a school of thought I felt, and still feel is in line with my world view.
Like everything I commit myself to in times past, I failed. I stopped, I saw some results and began to give up on seeing it through. Part of my self-destructing aspect Jung referred to as one’s “Shadow“.
Instead, the 00’s will mark a time in my life I will call “conforming” where I believed I would be like the wolf in sheep’s clothing as I went up in the world in conventional means, start a career, climb the corperate ladder, start a family, continue my legacy, buy a house, with the white picket fence.
This as I found, is not the life I was to lead. Instead I have spent the past year discovered that what is right for others is not right for me. There is no easy or conventional way for me to go about life. I do things the hardest way possible. Some approach a mountain and say the easiest path is to go around the mountain, whereas the hard route is to go over it. My method is to go through the mountain! Not with powered tools, but old fashion pick-axe!
This too extends to my spiritual self as well. I am both Heathen and Initiate in nature, a polarizing path I was relieved to find others following as well in Odianism. However, my efforts to explore such groups on my own have left me with another houge-pouge of philosophical and spiritual ideas.
So now I look forward to a new decade, with new responsibilities and reasons for ’succeeding’ in the objective and subjective world.
So here is to one third of my new resolutions, babbling and unorganized, but the effort was made none the less.
I am starting to think the socially friendly image I have portrayed to others as being a ho-hum computer geek living virtually in place of reality has gone too far. People are starting to associate it with me a little too much, and though this is partly by design the results are starting to suck.
Truth is, I do love technology but only in how it enhances out lives, not replaces it. Its like being obsessed with a hammer. I am sure there are people in our world who are obsessed with hammers, their size, shape, uses, weight and all other things that make no sense to people outside their niche. I sort of did this, now people ask me to fix their computers, think I am a geek who cannot live without his computer.
There is some truth to this, but the front has gone on too long and become too much. You know what I really would like to do? What I been trying to do for the past five years on my vacation time? Disconnect from the world, take my ass with limited supplies nesscary for survival, a journal and maybe one book that invokes deep thoughts and disappear in the wild. Some people would call this camping and I would say these people just don’t get it. If you seen “Into the Wild” you may somewhat understand what I am talking about except unlike the protaginist in that movie, I am not going to get myself killed. Hiking to the remote wilderness of Alaska without knowing the lay of the land and with little supplies as he had is like a bird learning to fly by jumping off the Empire State Building. You need to start from the ground.
However my form of luck, irony, always rears its ugly head and I am stuck doing something that needs to be done or for the convenience of others has to be done then. This succeeds in building my resentment to others. I try to keep this in check as often it builds to a point where I become an antisocial gadfly and robs me of enjoying my time with other leisure activities, i.e. a dick.
This sort of ‘get a way’ or disconnection as I call it is especially important because I have kids now, and they deserve to have their dad be his best, instead of this limping self from day to day they have now.
So what would I do on this quest? Some tribal folks would call this a spirit quest, and as I try to balance my tribal spiritual side with my philosophical and psychologically inclined Initiate side, this is important to me. Basically I would think about everything one thinks about in life without the distraction of other people, daily obligations and duties and social programing. The last is the most important detail as from birth we are told what to think, what to feel, what to wear, who to love, how to love them and who to hate from our parents, extended family, friends, community, town, state, country, media and so on. Think Tyler Durden’s tirades.
That being said, I going to be less socially elusive and more to the point of who I really am, which sadly will make people think I am a bigger fucking weirdo than they already do.
So till next time;
Reyn til Runa
Xeper and Manifest
-R.A. Neff
-=Y:N=-
Tyler Durden has to be the main stream mascot for the left hand path, just look at my facebook status to understand why…
One of the worst characteristics of writing and writers is not writing, and I am one of the worse offenders. I make several excuses, sort of like why I don’t work out and the like. Bottom line is, I have time, I just don’t use it very well. I let stuff sit on my mind and fester, so I came up with a little solution and took the name from a comedians special: Ryan Neff: Raw. Basically this is me, no editor, no drafts, straight to the site. Yeah I will check stuff, but I use to write something in Word, and then post it here, make sure I don’t sound like a tard and be done. Well, done with that, straight to the site.
For a first post of the day, I have nothing to contribute. Also going to make an opportunity to post links to sites I like, and explain why I like them. So the first one I am posting is to Digg.com. I like Digg because it was started by the brain of Kevin Rose, a internet innovator who I first ran across on TechTV before G4 took it over to become a MTV for gamers and geeks. (i.e. sucks) He left soon after the takeover for reasons that seemed obvious to me, they stole the show Screen Savers which had heart, character and class and made it “Attack of the Show” which to me is more full of douche bags and company barkers than anything else. So props to Kevin Rose for starting the Diggnation. I get a lot of news from Digg and seem to note that so do a lot of other people, like the local radio station I listen to in the morning. Check it out, you can vote on news articles you think are worth reading, good ones generally make it to the front page and the best ones to the top ten of the day.
Geek:Incognito isn’t on the shelf its just being reworked, add a /xoops at the end of the .com and you will see its current experiment. TheGI.net concept has fallen apart and save some cash I will let the domain go when it comes due. As far as the community, well, like the Grail King legends when the king is wounded the kingdom suffers, add to it, we’re all adults now (in our 30’s – even the high school kids are DONE with college!) so our lives have all changed drastically. We have our myspaces and facebooks to keep in contact, but I wonder if the community will ever be like it was.
Anyway, this is my first raw session, hope stick to this and keep it up.
Damn my creative earbuds have a dead side, thanks to baby lost the last earbuds! Those were damn good buds for a stock set!
Fuck it, you win! I can’t compete with old, crazy, stupid people of the world they got nothing but patience to make life miserable for me!
It was time to start over, too many artifacts and wreckage from the last install. So, bear with me as I reset this…